It hit me like a ton of bricks. Her words rang so true, it hit me deep, and I held back heartbreaking tears and laughter at the unbelievable timing of it. But that is how God works, when you least expect it, but right when He knew you needed it.
But Lets first back up a bit, so you can understand this a bit more.
My son has been taking art lessons at our local gallery. Initially my husband was taking him, but that wasn’t working out, so I started taking him a few weeks ago. It means I get a bit of a break, can sit and read in the lounge at the gallery while he lets his creative juices flow for 2 hours. I decided to start using that time to read, and dove back in to “Where There Is Love, There Is God” by Mother Teresa. I’ve had it for years, but haven’t made it a priority to read, until now.
The book is incredible, I want to tweet quotes from it all day long, just to share all her wisdom with the world! If you haven’t read it, please do! Especially if you are a busy mom who struggles with keeping her cool, like me.
I am so quick to anger! And through each phase of life I find something else to blame it on: I’m over worked, stressed about wedding planning, it’s my pregnancy hormones, I’m exhausted from being up all night with a baby, the kids are not listening…but really it is me who is not listening. Not listening to Jesus.
When I was younger, gossip and lies were prevalent in my life, amongst other sins, but as I matured, and found Jesus, I gave those up. It seemed easy. I became Catholic, and those were sins, so I just stopped.
Yelling hasn’t been as easy to quit. I even tried giving it up for Lent one year, and said a Hail Mary for each time I yelled. And that worked for a while, but like most bad habits, it crept back in.
I don’t like that I yell. I feel shame and so much guilt after I do it. And I have tried everything to be calmer, and full of more love.
It wasn’t until today, that I read Mother Teresa’s words while I waited in that lounge for my son:
“When we are unkind, proud, or harsh, let us ask ourselves, “Why am I harsh today?” I am not clean of heart. Something is cutting me off from Jesus.”
Harsh?! Harsh words for me to hear! I often ask myself why. Why did I just yell? Why can’t I control my anger? Why am I always so frustrated? And ever since Lent started, and I pledged to myself to try my best to stay calm, I become more heartbroken as I continue to be lost in this awful habit. Her words could not have come at a better time for me!
The next page of the book is all about how our tongues are connected to our hearts. And how when we say ugly things it is like spitting on Jesus!
Spitting on Jesus!
Every time I raise my voice, and use harsh words it is like spitting on Jesus?! If that isn’t enough of a visual to get me to stop, I don’t know what is!
I initially wrote this post nearly a month ago, and those words that I read have stuck with me. I’m still not perfect, as no one is, but I think things are so much better! I don’t know if it was Mother Teresa’s words, or finally letting Jesus in, but I have found a new calmness and peace in my heart; a new level of patience with my children that I never had before.
Have you struggled with something for years? Or maybe you are still struggling with something. I still have good days and bad days, but am getting so much better at catching myself! Each day is a new chance to start over and be a better person! Let Jesus into your heart, stop right now and thank him for today, and tell Him you hope to do better tomorrow. Pray and ask for help! Leave a comment here asking for prayers! This online Catholic community is so amazing, and we all support each other so much! I pray that you all find the strength to let Jesus in to your heart, and let him help you! He had been knocking at my door for a long time, but I had to open the door.